Things I want to remember

holding your hand for the first time -

the feeling of getting something I wanted really badly

falling in love -

of knowing the all too familiar feeling of drowning,

of choosing to still let your arms drag me into a spiralling ocean 

both nights we stayed over to celebrate your birthday -

the stolen hugs we refused to compromise despite sneaking about,

the view we saw through the glass door from our bed &

the music we listened to in stillness & silence 

feeling you fall asleep beside me -

how your body jerks when you're drifting into slumber,

the way you'd stop grinding your teeth if I put my finger on your chin

that it's okay -

I want to feel this,

I want to remember this,

I want to stop being afraid

it's not going to ruin me