Empty

i suppose im happy
at certain times
like when i am with my friends,
throwing my head back and catching my breath
as i shake with laughter
at a joke someone just made
whether it was funny or not so

but then my day turns into night
and my carefree grin turns into an unexplainable sadness,
etched on my face like your voice on my heart
and i lay amongst my sheets,
with my mind running like its chasing
and i think,
about all the things i wish i could say
all the things i'm too afraid to admit,
even with only pen, paper and mind

its nights like these when i realize
i am happy and sad,
outgoing and shy
rambunctious and quiet
brave enough to love others but scared to my bones about it

but mostly,
i am empty