Silly

The way you did whatever you wanted,

despite the judgmental pricks around us.

The way you were hyper-aware of everything around you

including me. 

I watched you watch everything,

and I wanted to know all the things that went through your head 

when you were with me.

I saw you hurt

I saw you love

I will never be able to forget the way you simultaneously 

calmed my mind

and quickened my heartbeat.

I'll always remember the way you looked at me

and the way it drove me crazy

wondering what you were thinking as you did.

I'll always remember the way our hand fitted together. 

I know it's hard for you too 

you won't admit it 

but dear, 

In the 700 days spent with you 

I got glimpses of you no one else sees 

I am trying not to miss you too much.

I am trying not to regret letting you go.

Empty

i suppose im happy
at certain times
like when i am with my friends,
throwing my head back and catching my breath
as i shake with laughter
at a joke someone just made
whether it was funny or not so

but then my day turns into night
and my carefree grin turns into an unexplainable sadness,
etched on my face like your voice on my heart
and i lay amongst my sheets,
with my mind running like its chasing
and i think,
about all the things i wish i could say
all the things i'm too afraid to admit,
even with only pen, paper and mind

its nights like these when i realize
i am happy and sad,
outgoing and shy
rambunctious and quiet
brave enough to love others but scared to my bones about it

but mostly,
i am empty

Words

Every time I need someone to talk to

Every time I want to tell you something

Every emotion I want to share 

You don't get how much that affected me. 

From now on I'll hesitate

and think about

how telling you how I feel makes you only think I want sympathy 

I just lost the one person I trusted all my feelings with. 

They were right

No one truly is concern about you 

Some act like they are because they have to 

Some are just curious 

But no one cares 

Ask away

Saw this on tumblr so why not?

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
No hahahaha unless Charlotte wants the d

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
Wrong HAH

4. Is trust a big issue for you?
Yes

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
Yes :-)

6. What are you excited for?
The June holidays!!

7. What happened tonight?
Blogging/tumblr/music. Yes, I'm a party animal.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
Everyone does different things when they're wasted so it depends on what

9. Is confidence cute?
Yes. But there's a difference between confidence and cockiness

10. What is the last beverage you had?
Iced water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
One

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
Probably the same as tonight. Yes i need to stop partying so hard, i know

14. What are you going to spend money on next?
Food probably.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
Yes

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
Most probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
Charly and this person that I'm gonna name tuna

18. The last time you felt broken?
Last last night was a rough night,

20. Are you starting to realize anything?
That we should love the ones that love us and don't even bother w the rest.

21. Are you in a good mood?
Quite :-)

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
Oh yes cause why not right? Not like I'm gonna get eaten, pssht.

24. What do you want right this second?
To be in the arms of Tuna. Okay maybe tuna was a stupid name.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
Probably would be too choked up to say anything

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
No

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
My tuna and I had a good laugh this afternoon :-) hahaha

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
Yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
Depends

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
No

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
Yes

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
No why not

34. Listening to?
Ron rope - Perfect for you

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
Rarely but yes

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
Yes

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No

38. Who did you last call?
Tuna

39. Who was the last person you danced with?
Tuna

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Because i wanted to

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
Last last week........i think

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
No

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
All the time

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
Nope

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
No :(

47. Who was the last person to call you?
Probably my mum

48. Do you sing in the shower?
Hahahahahhahahahaha yes.

49. Do you dance in the car?
How to dance in that small area

54. Ever eat a pierogi?
I would tell you if i knew what a pierogi is

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Wedding planner hahahhaha

57. Do you believe in ghosts?
Can you not, its late now la i dont want to think about it

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
Yes

62. What do you wear to bed?
Comfortable tshirts and fbts

71. Can you curl your tongue?
Yes

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Cried whilst laughing, yes

75. Do you study better with or without music?
With

77. Ever been in love?
Yes

80. Hot tea or cold tea?
Dont really fancy tea

81. Tea or coffee?
Coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie?
White chip macadamia w/o macadamias

83. Can you swim well?
I can swim but i wont say well

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
You mean some people cant???

85. Are you patient?
Hahahhahahaha definitely not.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?
Boob job. Kidding, nope.

89. Which are better black or green olives?
No olives

92. Do you want to get married?
Yes

Yes i deleted the boring ones. Yes these are boring too. Stop it.

Half way there

I remember blogging about finishing about half my mid year papers this time last year, well deja vu for you all.


6/14 papers are done
8 more to go
this week is passing by way too slowly
i'm so exhausted
studying doesn't pay off
so full i could burst
4:38pm rn
have been using the computer since i've got home
gonna tumblr and take a nap though there's history paper tomorrow
cause why not
gonna regret it when i can't finish studying tonight
well thats for later

-

"When I’m sleeping with someone I care about, I feel protected. When their arms are around you, anything could happen, but it wouldn’t matter because the pull of their arm and the warmth of their body shows that they are there. Their heartbeat intertwines with yours, for one moment you feel like one." Mornings when you sub-conciously pull me right into your arms are the only mornings i want.

Life:

Things get better and then things are not better and then it gets better and then not better again.
But i'm pretty sure if i were to spend everyday with you by my side, things will always be better.

Fifth day of the fifth month

Happy Sunday

Probably because there's no school tmr
-MAJOR YAY-

Had macs for bfast, made my day :')
No one should ever eat macs bfast w me at home, I eat two portions and more worth of food. Like, I'm not even kidding. It's 4pm rn and I'm still full from it.
My inner fat girl needs to maintain.

So behind schedule studies wise -_-
You can do it Cally.
Study hard so I can see your face tonight, sounds good :-)

May has been pretty rough so far but I guess *fingers crossed* things will get better soon.