My sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy, when skies are grey.

You'll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Fall in love

"I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see."

I guess it's true. That if you see a person at his/her weakest point, that vulnerability alone would be so much more. When someone is crying. When someone has broken down. When you see the look on a person's face when they're asleep. When they share things with you. When they tell you how much you mean to them.

But if this is true, then does true love not exist? True love, as I believe, is something that only two people in this world will share. And if its not with this person, it's not true love. But if its so easy, then anyone who comes close to each other will fall in love. Then what happens to soulmates then?

It's so easy to fall in love or have an infatuation with someone. The difficult part is finding someone who will love you back and stick with you.

To love.

To be loved.

To never forget your own significance.

To never get used to unspeakable violence

and the vulgar disparity of life around you.

To seek joy in the saddest places.

To pursue beauty in its lair.

To never simplify what's complicated

or complicate what's simple.

To respect strength, not power.

To give without wanting to take.

To put others before oneself.

To appreciate the worst.

To have good intentions and nothing else.

To not be bitter.

Above all, to watch.

To try and understand.

To never look away.

And never, never, to forget.

-

Just by myself

I dont know if being alone is a good thing. I believe that we all need to have times when it's just us alone. No need to act a certain way or fake a certain emotion so that you won't worry others. Then can you feel how you truly feel, it would be a great thing, to be able to let your emotions free. Even if it was just for a minute.

But what happens when you're lonely all the time. It's true, that I'm fine till I'm alone. Because atleast when I'm around others, I take my mind off things and I tell myself to keep it together. It's a kind of motivation, really. When I realize that I'm alone, when nobody's watching, sometimes it just gets a little harder to keep it together. But it's okay, atleast I'm true to myself for that one moment.

I wish I didn't have to be okay.

You

You made me realize that things change.
You made me realize that no matter how much I love and no matter how much we've been through, you can throw it all away in a text.
You made me feel loved.
You made me feel like I will never be good enough.
You made me happy.
You made me cry.
You made me feel things I never had before.
You made it hard for me to trust anymore.
You made me change.
You made me feel important once second and worthless the other.
You made me realize that the most important things don't last.


I don't understand. How I can be so upset over you that I lose sleep when you don't care enough to even check on me. But then again, dont. Not after saying words that will hurt me. You know what you're doing. And you know it would hurt me. Then why do you keep doing it. Even when you're gone it seems like i'll never feel better. Because I could never do that. I could never hurt you.

Did we really mean nothing? Cause it meant a lot to me.

I need closure

It's 1:09am right now. And I have to be awake in a few hours for school.

Thinking about all the words I haven't got a chance to say to you. I know I push you away, but I wished you would still put aside your pride and try.
-
I wanna talk to you so so badly. I need to see you one last time. But after what you said to me, you made it clear you want nothing to do with me.

I just want closure.

And then I promise I'll disappear from your life. I promise.

I had to

"Rule number one: dont get attached to someone you may lose."

But I never thought I'd ever lose you.

But I did.

And its all nothing now. Nothing.

When you try your best but you don't succeed. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. When you're too in love to let it go. Could if be worse?

Someone fix me, please.

Dirty secrets

I wish I could tell you what I wanna say. But the stakes are too high. The way your voice alone make me feel. We both know it. That. If I could, I would. I just wish I knew you better. But somehow that always spoils things. Knowing a person better.

I'm drifting from the world, finding comfort in things that I know will never change. Those things seem to become lesser and lesser as time goes by. Buts it's okay, I'm okay. And I'll remain that way.
But hold on, nothing lasts forever.

Won't let you close enough to hurt me.

You don't realize how much impact it had on me. Whether I know it or not, whether I want to admit it or not, it changed me. To be more paranoid. You made it hard to trust.

I just wished I could trust you with my feelings the way j trust you with my secrets. 

Happy Fridays

Yay so school went well, released 1245 omg. It must have been a year or so since I was released so early. So I went to eat icecream chef w Charlottey and then we cooked lunch at my place. Took a bath and I'm gonna take a good nap now w Charlottey doing her work. That stalker. HAHAHA. x 

Monday's such a whore

First day of term four. Oh the sorrow. Exams soon. So much work but so little motivation. How am I suppose to get by.

Don't know if I got off the wrong side of the bed or I'm just in a bad mood but it's been a bad day.

-

Guess everything's just slowly eating me away bit by bit. But no, I'm not going to allow myself to be paranoid.

And why do people talk shit again? Come on, say it to my face or forever hold your peace. Lie to me and i'll never trust you the same again. Period.

I need some frozen yogurt now. Ugh bed, I've missed you while I was in school.

Need more sleep.
Need more smiles.
Need more motivation.
Need more love.
Need more security.
Need more of your voice.

Broken

Things break all the time. Glass, and dishes, and mirrors. Fingernails, and contracts. You can break the ice. You can break a record, a dollar, a person. There are coffee breaks and lunch breaks and prison breaks. There are breaks you take from people. Day breaks, waves break, voices break. Chains can be broken. So can silence..

Promises break.

Hearts break.