today I held hands with a boy

who kissed my scars,

and wiped smudged mascara away from my face.

he held me tight on escalators in case i fall,

gave me his lemons from his ice lemon tea

and walked me home.

yesterday we talked about our past 

in a park near his house,

about the stupid, crazy love we both had.

today we talked about growing old together,

about the food we'd eat & the place we'd live in.

in oceans there are different depth

and some love we find are greater than others. 

Things I want to remember

holding your hand for the first time -

the feeling of getting something I wanted really badly

falling in love -

of knowing the all too familiar feeling of drowning,

of choosing to still let your arms drag me into a spiralling ocean 

both nights we stayed over to celebrate your birthday -

the stolen hugs we refused to compromise despite sneaking about,

the view we saw through the glass door from our bed &

the music we listened to in stillness & silence 

feeling you fall asleep beside me -

how your body jerks when you're drifting into slumber,

the way you'd stop grinding your teeth if I put my finger on your chin

that it's okay -

I want to feel this,

I want to remember this,

I want to stop being afraid

it's not going to ruin me