1 down, 5 to go

Having a major case of monday blues rn. 

Definitely not going to be happy waking up at 630 in the morning tomorrow after 7 weeks of semester break :-( But frankly speaking i'm pretty excited to get back to school, partly because i want to get poly over and done with as soon as possible and partly because i want to get back to being busy, busy is good, busy is a form of distraction, busy makes me feel like i'm not just idling my days away. 

Aka:

• Waking up before the sun rises
• School
• Dance
• Work
• Assignments
• Volunteering
• All-nighters at starbucks

Things to look forward to in Nov:

• Being productive 
• Hongkong trip w abm
• Danzation
• Neon lights festival

Needless to say, this enthusiasm will prolly last for about 5 mins till i get worn out and start complaining about all the commitments i brought upon myself... Back to waking up at 630 every morning, late night dance practices, working till 1230am & many many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Here's to a good 2/6 :-)

Just what i needed

"There's so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn't. There's a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn't need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with your friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don't romanticize life like you can't survive without it. Live for yourself & be happy on your own. It isn't any less beautiful, I promise." 

Emery Allen

I'm sorry I can't give you a call or send you a text asking if you're okay. I know you're not but my dear, if I did, it would show you that cared about you. I want to help but if I do, you'd assume this is what I expect from you too and you'd text me the next time you think I'm not doing well. I can't let you do that. I can't let you do that because in your eyes, I'm never well. just because I don't have the things that make you happy doesn't mean I'm not happy. I'm not you, why can't you just understand that. why do you make me feel so fucking pathetic and sad, like I'm trying to justify my well being. why can't you just accept that maybe I am perfectly alright. can you please stop trying to force your ideal life down my throat. I don't want that, I don't, please. you have to believe me, you have to believe what I tell you so that I'll believe it too.