love costs all we are

"I held your hands

and felt the stars 

crackling beneath

your skin" 

I've been struggling 

to not let your apathy 

discourage my spirit 

but once again,

the residual sounds of 

your deep ragged breath 

disrupts the rare tranquility

of my mind 

and reminds me that 

love costs all we are

I wish I could get myself to 

pick up unaccustomed courage 

to ask if you could 

hold me against your good bones,

perhaps liberating me from the
entanglement of my bad thoughts, 

despite my ruptured trust

to keep my feelings safe with you 

maybe I should let you go

"it's been awhile but I still feel the same, 

maybe I should let them go"

you know, just like that night I'd

close my eyes,

pretend I'm fast asleep,

that I don't see you everywhere I look

regulate my pulse and calm my heartbeat,

pretend I don't feel your hand in my palm,

that I didn't hear my heart beating in my ears 

ignore you when you say my name,

pretend it doesn't sound special escaping from your lips 

that it doesn't send shivers down my spine

don't move or flinch, 

pretend that I'm hyperaware of your existence

or maybe it's because 

if I did you would too,

maybe I wanted you to stay 

even if it's just for a moment or two 

My wonderwall

do you know?

how I get reminded of you, listening to love songs

have you seen?

how I smile when I catch a glimpse of you

can you tell? 

that you're in my thoughts

more than the second hand hits the clock

would you want to find out?

about how I'm up writing secret poems about you 

I'm not quite sure 

but until then, 

I'd hold you in my sweetest of dreams 

and make wishes on 11:11,

id keep you amongst shooting stars,

and hope for you when I throw a coin in fountains 

my wonderwall,

lately, I've thought of you