I'm not

Feeling really shitty about myself recently. 

Feeling really unpretty to be exact. 

Don't get me wrong, I've never felt pretty but i look around me and it starts to hit me :

The not so pretty people are tall or skinny 

The not so skinny people are pretty or tall

The not so tall people are pretty or skinny

And if they're none, they're either clever or really nice 

And then I look back to myself and I realize, like one of my haters said on askfm, that I have "no looks no figure no personality"

that I am none of those things. 

And yknow what's the worst part? 

That the one person who made me feel good enough is the one making me feel inadequate. 

You used to call me beautiful, you don't anymore. 

You used to tell me I matter, you don't anymore. 

I'm not anymore,

I don't anymore.

If I had to be weak, I'd be weak for you

It's one of those nights after one of those days with you. 

Days I once only dreamt of 

Days I once craved for

Days I once got so often 

Days I started taking for granted 

And now, days that appear once in a blue moon

Days I want to try my best to cherish

Scrolling through tumblr, always searching for quotes that might describe you perfectly but none of them can really phrase you quite enough. 

Trying so hard to be strong through the bad times, 

learning step by step to stop relying on other things and other people for my happiness 

because I don't want to have another bad day and be able to do absolutely nothing 

but when it comes to you I become so weak and needy

detest myself for that, really

But I can't help it

I can't help but want you so badly it hurts my bones 

I can't help how I can't stop thinking about you 

I can't help but want your touch

I can't help being affected by you

And to some really messed up point, 

I want it 

I want to be so madly in love with you