why i fell out of love with all four of you

the way you swirled me around and slow danced with me
will never make up for the way you treated me
you watched my heart break
and you never really bothered to pick up the pieces
so the broken shards made my feet bleed
each time i walked back to you
we loved immensely, fiercely
i know you loved me
but some days i could have swore
you were more in love with yourself than me

it was pure, simple love
we were at the (so called) best part of dating for months on end
you loved my wit and i adored your heart
i could have stayed in that state with you for a long, long time
i know i could
but as all sunrises eventually set,
your beliefs were ones i could never uphold
you wanted to settle, be grounded
and mundane scares the living hell out of me

you said i wasn't much of a mystery
but god did i wish i knew that it was only because
you didn't know me at all
& i did not
and now i see it
every time i wanted you, you suddenly didn't want me anymore
so i decided for myself that some things will always be better remembered than experienced again
when i left you didn't even stop me

and you
you were there for me every step of the way,
between your enthusiasm to settle down
and my desire for the fascinating rather than the lacklustre,
there was a distance that couldn't be filled with however many sweet nothings you whispered in my ear
your insecurity and constant need for assurance tired me out
i can't and i won't mend things that are broken
you wanted me to need you but there isn't anything i need that i can't give myself
you would have given me the world
but i had my own

by principle i shouldn't even like you. you're mostly mean in the name of honesty, you assume you're entitled to some parts of my body, you have a god damn superiority complex where you think anything that is not done the way you would do it is second best and we don't even share the same religious or cultural beliefs but jesus christ you're smart, you can hold your own, you don't think anyone in their right mind would get married in their early twenties, you're ambitious and you're unpredictable, and you've thrown me into this weird ass space where i actually think about you more than i should & i dont know what that means for me or for you or for us.

and i guess that's that.