i'm starting to feel myself fall deeper
at first it was a small stumble
and then a steep anticipation
that has now lead to a stomach churning drop

i hope this wouldn't be like the last time
-
that me falling into a pit wouldn't mean you getting up, getting out & leaving
maybe this pit could fit both of us
or at least bring our cramped bodies closer

this is (has always been) scary (scarier now)
i'm scared without you
and i'm scared with you
i'm scared to drop this
and i'm scared of wanting this

what a terrible feeling to be scared
but what a poor life to not feel at all

may was a month of blue
it's an odd feeling waking up to stillness
when you fall asleep expecting to drown

I anticipated waves the height of my worry
but they crashed a beat later
and the rhythm of the current stirred only slightly
but it's terrifying to wake up with water
filling your lungs and muffling your hearing

when the ocean finally hit the shore
it was,
at the same time,
too terrifyingly fast and painfully slow

I wished I could have drowned instead
or atleast woke you up before water so callously did

may was the month i saw someone I love plunge neckdeep /
this story is about the time when
the birds were set free only to be handcuffed again in 13 days

whatever happened to us

whatever happened to
post it writing
breakfast making
sunrise watching
4am talking

insides aching
agonising,
unfailing,
consuming
love?

I'm not good at writing about things that make me happy.