been feeling kinda down
he pointed out that I barely spoke all the day
you asked me if I was sure I'm okay
there's nothing much to be upset about
& also nothing much to be excited for

I just don't feel like speaking today
i don't feel like hanging out
& I don't feel too keen on heading home

but here I am,
back in bed,
i don't even like peanut butter
but I'm having a teaspoon of it
(right out of the jar)
whilst I listen to frank ocean's new album
-
boys don't cry

i can't hear you talk about her any longer

that used to be me
that could have been me

if you were going to tell me you liked me for all those days,
once, twice
over & over again,
why couldn't you have just hugged me those days
or kissed me that night

I couldn't & I didn't take a chance w you
and I still stand by it,
hardly even bitter anymore

but when I see you with someone else,
I still think about falling asleep next to you that one night
I still think about how you used to say those words to me
and do those things for me

it doesn't shake my insides anymore,
I mostly feel a lack (of something I can't put my finger on),
a void, maybe

I still have dreams about our could-have-beens
& lately I consider them nightmares

so I try to obliterate you from my memories
by removing you from my present