some nights I miss you so much
reading through our conversations 2 years back,
stirring up poignant reminders of you I thought I had forgotten for good

I wish I called you "beb" more often
and held your hand all those times I wanted to
I'm forgetting about you
it's hazy, blurred
how did it feel when you hugged me tight?

tonight it's almost suffocating me
I feel it rising,
from the tip of my toes
to the pit of my stomach,
filling me up all the way to the brim of my throat
it's like I can't speak else it'd overflow
in the form of tears soaking up my pillowcase
and gasps
after gasps after gasps
of me trying to catch my breath (& impossibly you) back

(it's nights like these that I'm glad I never memorised your number)

so I look away, I think of you,
I remind myself of how this had all been sourly expectant,
I flinch,
I go to sleep