I don't want to feel again

today, you made my heart beat faster.

and I hated it 

other "I love you"s

goodmorning

be careful

sweetdreams

how are you?

have fun

I miss you

how was your day?

I hope you feel better soon 

can you come over?

can I go over?

don't forget to eat

you're beautiful 

I'm here for you

let's catch a movie

what are you doing?

it will be okay

I just wanted to hear your voice 

you made my day

you don't have to hear "I love you" 

to know someone does.

listen carefully,

people speak from their hearts

more often than you think 

-(I'm not sure who)

you said you're over it 

and it was silly and stupid

my heart -

it skips,

it sinks 

you talk about someone new

I hear,

I stare,

I blink

someday I'll be over you 

I know

I hope 

I think 

particularly nostalgic tonight,

thinking back on those times 

that I find myself reminiscing so often nowadays

sometimes it's not the 

new people you surround yourself with 

that makes you look back,

rather, it's the people you've known for ages

people who were in that fragment of time

those who left but came back  

that makes you remember the bittersweet past

"it's not the same",

cliche but true

I'm coming to terms that things will never be the same

and though I truely miss how it used to be, 

trying to make myself numb 

from the numerous attempts of self comfort that

it all happens for a reason

oh what I would do to go back and really take it all in again

-

you don't know what you have till it's gone 

more than friends less than lovers

it's like I don't want you to love me

because I'm not sure I can love you back

but id still be very much bothered if you were to love someone else 

it's like I'll reply you after 3 hours 

because I don't feel the need and the urge to talk to you 

but I'd probably feel a slight bit of panic if it was the other way round 

like I dont want you to want to see me

but I myself want to see you 

like i don't want you to think I like someone else

but I want you to know it's not you

it's almost like 

I know I'm going to regret letting you go

but I'm going to let you go anyways

and I can't figure out why

1/4 down, 3/4 more to go

so it's been awhile since I've updated this space and though I don't have any heart wrenching poems to spill out at the moment, I've decided to just write whatever comes to mind

here goes nothing

mainly, a term is almost up

that's means 3 more to go

and I'm still doing badly and struggling to catch up w school work

- which is bad, very bad

looking forward to the march holidays

band concert, slc etc

tho I won't really consider it a holiday since there's something on everyday

staring at my never ending pile of work to be done

after school comes homework

then revisions and tests

and cca and events 

it's like I want to catch up and do well 

but somehow it seems like no matter how fast I try to run,

it won't ever be enough

there's always someone ahead of me

trying even harder

2014 is my last year in Temasek 

and to be honest I want to treasure my time here no matter how much of a shithole it is

but seems like everyone's too focus on the ending point

which in this case is Os

to enjoy our last year together 

- 

what a pity