Vulnerability

So it's 3:20 in the morning rn and I'm exhausted from dance prac and perfectly, it starts to rain as I'm about to sleep.

It's storming outside,

thunder and lightning in abundance.

I guess one of the reason why I love the rain so much is because of it's vulnerability.

When it's storming, 

sometimes it becomes so intense it comes so close to feeling like your house could collapse any moment.

The realization of the possibility alone makes it that much more precious. 

When it's drizzling,

it's like the sky's confused -

not sure whether to rain or shine 

and in the midst of it all sometimes a rainbow's formed.

Isn't it dazzling when it could rain or shine  in moments, split seconds?

Or when you don't eat and come so close to fainting,

when you say one word that rips two people apart 

When you act in the heat of the moment

and you realise how absolutely vulnerable the strongest bonds are

Isn't the vulnerability

beautiful?

Once bitten, twice shy

I think the reason why people 

cant forget 

their first (serious) relationship is because it's always the best at first 

No hurt

no lies

no fear

no expectations 

no disappointments 

But then comes along that first cut 

you know,

when he breaks your heart

and it shatters

and you cry

But that's alright, 

"give it another go"

sounds good

sounds fair enough

but he hurts you again 

and again

and again

To the point where you almost let him,

you give him a chance, yet again

knowing how the last few you've given out ended up 

And finally it reached a point of pure fear

every text 

every like

every comment

every conversation.

It's not much,

but that's what you thought in the first place

and it escalated into ways you never thought it could have 

You become so paranoid at every little thing

you start losing your temper at things you'd normally laugh off

you fight, you quarrel

you snap at each other,

saying nasty things

And then at the end of the day,

you feel this immense guilt 

for doing it again 

and you realise 

you're just like him 

no, you're not cheating nor lying 

but yes, you're still hurting him

You have to stop.

you got to take that scary, 

even illogical,

leap of faith again 

and you got to trust again

It's not easy, it's not going to be

but how far are we willing to go for that one person 

That one person that you're so utterly confused about,

but yet so tangled with,

so attached to,

so "in love" with.