Sunday blues

So it's 10:46am on a Sunday morning and I'm feeling so lazy cause of the pouring rain/tsunami/typhoon happening outside my house rn. Okay maybe that was exaggerated just a little bit.

Need to study - Mid years are in a week and I haven't started
Need to lose weight - fast food everyday or a week already
Monday - macs
Tuesday - pizzahut
Wednesday - macs
Thursday - subway
Friday - pasta
Saturday - macs
Sunday - hopefully not any of the above
Need to stop being lazy - applies to everything

But if plans aren't cancelled and everything goes well, Monday blues tomorrow will be non existent because I get to spend some time with you and Tuesday should be good because it should a nice study date with Charly.

Yesterday was a very very unproductive Saturday for me but I had a good day. First one in a long time. All in all, it was a good week, I have to say :-)

So yesterday went a little like this:
630am - wake up
730am - amath lesson
900am - home
1100am - nap
1200noon - lunch
0130pm - shopping for ingredients
0300pm - baking in my living room with the aircon on, blasting music & talking
0600pm - done w baking
(explains how it took 3 hours)
0730pm - dinner & tv
0900pm - in bed already loooool
0900pm onwards - practically just used my phone till 0200am plus and fell asleep

Happy Cally is very happy :-)

15th

So my birthday was a few days ago. 23rd April was a good day. And the few closer to me would know how much I dread my birthdays. Probably because I don't like the pressure of having a certain day be perfect because well expectations lead to disappointments. But this year I had a good day :-)

Spent the first minute of my day and my late afternoon with my favorite person who was exceptionally sweet to me which was kind of weird, really. Hahaha but thank you for the flowers & the very very ugly but adorable pig which is now your jr. Thank you to Junde, Minyu, Wesley & Joey for everything :-) Dinner with Nelvin, Augus, Azirul, Aron Shannon & Charlotte was nice too. And my babes Jamie Shannon & Charlotte for preparing my very pink gifts hahaha. Also for everyone who sent me a text/tweet/fb post/present/wished me in person.

But its not about the gifts or the number of wishes, it was a good day because I got to spend it with everyone that matters to me and it made me realize that though I've been a bad friend to alot of you, the ones that really cared for me still do and that really made me feel very blessed. You know who you are, thank you x

I don't know why but I'm feeling all smiley now which is weird because today's a Wednesday night which means there's a long day ahead for me tomorrow and usually I'd be having a bad night but not tonight :-)

Probably because yesterday made me catch up/talk to people I haven't in awhile and I'm feeling blessed and so comforted to know that I still have them when I need them :-)

Counting down to:
Saturday night for my late night once in a week
Next Tuesday night because Wednesday's a holiday
Exams are next Friday - Urgh
For mid years to be over
June holidays

Hoping to sleep early tonight
My favorite music playing
Tumblr
Tonight's a good night
Too bad it's missing you
I'm missing you

A poem for each of the guys I've ever loved

i.
You were my favourite 3am
I still think the eye bags
are worth it

ii.
My new sheets can never
compare to how your bare skin
makes me feel safe

iii.
My mum still asks about you
how are you doing
how's things with you & I

iv.
My hands never seem to fit
right with anyone else's
other than yours

v.
I had the letters you wrote me framed
and hung in the darkest
and dustiest spaces of my mind

vi.
I think I need you
more than I needed anyone else
more than you need me
but I'm afraid that's going to ruin things

vii.
When you asked about
what I thought about your haircut
I only laughed because you
seemed to think I would
and i could love you less
because I won't
I can't

-

All these poems
they're all for you
there has been no one since you
and even before you

April

I wish I had the ability to write
about how your eyes shine
in the morning when you're tired
and that feeling i get when you
hold my hand

I wish I could write about
how much you mean to me
and that feeling I get when you
brush my hair away to
kiss my forehead

I wish I could write about
the nights with you
and the mornings without
write about
the beat of your pulse
the sound of your breath
your whispers

But they haven't created
the correct words that can
describe my feelings for you
and I'm far too afraid
that my thoughts and feelings
would get lost in translation

What if I over dramatize it
or underplay it
what if I exaggerate the wrong parts
and ignore the important ones

At any rate, I'll never write it quite the way I want to.